Meeting an old friend...

Trigger warning: this contains sensitive topics (suicide, death, depression) that may cause some people discomfort. 

Part I: The penultimate conversation.

Hello, old friend, we meet again.

Sit with me, please, like the old days.

Listen to the words I cannot say;

unburden myself until none remains.

I have forgotten about you for a while.

I was free from memories of the past.

For a minute, I found my reason to smile,

But I was a fool for thinking it would last.

Thank you for coming to see me tonight.

This time, I don't think I will change my mind.

It's different from that night with the knife

where , you watched from the mirror, as I chose life.

This time I am finally ready.

I finally conquered my fear of heights.

It is time I take my final flight.

Until it's over, will you stay tonight?

Part II: Cacophony of an errant mind.

I feel  cold from the rain-soaked floor

as I stood at the edge with my back to the door.

Old friend, will you hold my hand until it's time?

Help pacify this errant mind of mine.

I took a deep breath and looked at your eyes.

Is this finally peace, as you gave a gentle smile?

Years of build up anger, fear and shame

as I let go, my innocence reclaimed.

These few seconds felt like an eternity

Tears surged up dredging buried nemories.

All the lies told every day spent pretending;

the pressures of perfection that became a burden;

the apathy that slowly killed from within;

the love given and was later on forsaken;

the truth of betrayal that shattered me to pieces.

Finally free as I slowly fade from consciousness

Pagsumamo

Nais kong muling marinig ang iyong tinig

habang ang pangalan ko ay sinasambit.

Minsan pang pag hawakin ang mga kamay

at sa himig ng ating pag ibig ay sumayaw.

Muling maramdaman ang yakap na mahigpit

habang sabay ang puso natin sa pag pintig

May mga pagsubok man sa daan ay humadlang

kahit ano pa ay kaya nating pagtagumpayan.

Kung ano man ang mga naging pag kukulang

magkasama, kaya natin tong pagtulungan.

Ating kalimutan ang masasakit na pangyayari

at ating unti unting itama ang mga pagkakamali.

Kung hindi man natin kayang ibalik and dati,

ating bigyan ng pagkakataong makapagsimula muli.

At sa panahong tayo ay mag babaliktanaw,

ang alalahanin natin ang masasayang araw.

Minahal kita simula pa ng una.

Hindi ito nagbago, bagkus lumalim pa.

Ang tanging pakiusap ko ngayon,

kung ano man ang meron tayo, mabigyan pa ng pagkakataon.

those who are left behind

we are the ones who have to live with the fear;
with the frustration, the anger, and the tears.
for every waking moment that we close our eyes
we try to imagine their faces, their smiles.
we remember the plans we've made in the past
for a future that will no longer come to pass.
"things will be ok," people will come and say
"it will be better. just give it time. pray."
however, it is not as easy as it sounds.
to pretend you are complete when you are not.
tempted, we are, to succumb to the pain.
forsake the world, without them, it's not the same.
but for others like us and those that we've lost
we must over come the grief no matter the cost.

why not me?

Five months since you've learned of my existence,

yet you can’t bear to have me in your presence.

How abrupt can our relationship be

when you’re terminating it in its infancy.

I have heard your crying late at night.

Calling names that are not mine.

I know of all your nightly conversations

with the man whose voice I’ve heard before.

The one for whom you've made this decision,

The man from the past you can’t let go.

I will never be ready for what is to come.

Nor will I be able to accept all will be gone.

I've always thought, with you, I will grow old.

And as years pass by, our story will unfold.

They say ahead is a future that is bright.

For you to have it, mine must be sacrificed.

You will do what you think must be done.

I’m just a casualty, as sad as it may sound.

For your selfishness will cost me my life.

I've already lost before given the chance to fight.

We’ll do this together for the last time,

As long our heartbeats still rhymes.

And when you wake up you won’t have to fear

I will no longer be there, you will be free.

Since that alcohol riddled night my fate was sealed.

I was but a consequence of two people’s folly.

Yet why must I be the one to pay the price?

Why must I, an unborn child, be despised?

You chose him over me that is your child

Whose life ended before given the chance to start.

a salient farewell

at first I planned to stay but a year

but something made me want to stay here

as events varied from erudition

the difference piqued my interest

obsessed with finding a solultion

to issues that seem to obfuscate

with my work, i found myself immersed

every challenges quenched the thirst

but to every journey there's an end

when the need to learn can't be contained

and i'm afraid that i have reached mine

i've decided that now is the time

though i started here not long ago

it still saddens me to have to go

the winds of change have caught up with me

and in a few weeks i'll take my leave

missing ELBI

life has not been easy lately
schedules have been really busy
with too many things going on
what i have been longing for is home

it is great to be back in elbi
breathe in the fresh air and the scenery
visit the same spots i've been before
as if i was back in college once more

at the end of the day i'll return to the city
to work and all the complexities
yet somehow i do not need to worry
for i know that i have a home in elbi

a late introduction

To most I am a stranger
an abstraction from the norm.
To others a loner
always minding my own.
To a few annoyingly clever
knows a little too much in the world.
 What I am is a weaver
creating tapestries with words.
A mere wanderer
passing idly by.
A lonesome observer,
noting the what’s and the why's.

scribbles from 2nd of May...

The light was drained as the door closed
the emptiness readily made its presence known
the stillness in the air and the reverberating silence
have driven any form of thought out of existence
then came a whimpering voice saying NO
forcing itself to cry out DO NOT GO
nothing came out but a short gasp for air
as if being chocked and facing mortal fear
throughout the night silent screams were heard
and unseen tears were continuously shed
the clock kept counting the passing time
it's clicking created an unforgiving rhyme
after some time the light returned
however, the voice can no longer be heard
instead something else was revealed by the light
a body lies there but nobody seems to be inside
an empty vessel almost devoid of life
does not hear anything from the world outside
as if hidden behind walls that fear has fortified




itutuloy...

something work-related ^__^

During my idle hours at the training, I tried to be "productive" by writing.  Not that it makes sense or anything, just something to keep my mind working.  I do not want to turn into those "zombies" that have had their brains sucked out by the industry. *peace*

This is still a work in progress.  Who knows, maybe I can write something worth reading these coming weeks.  Consider this one a very rough draft. ^_^

I will try to attach a pic of a page or two in my planner where I scribbled this down.

Here goes...
We were given the choice when we first started:
to accept the offer or opt for another.
We chose to mark our names on the paper,
and from there we became part of something bigger.
The orientations and the many sessions
have reiterated to us the working notion;
that our career and our future is ours to mold;
that it is up to us on how it will unfold.


We have always been provided opportunities to grow,
to develop our skills and better what we know.
Both skills and talents, in here, are honed
to create high performers to rival the world's.
Trainings are provided for the knowledge we need.
Learnings are made available with just a click.
Various communities and clubs have been established
to foster our different interests and hobbies.


If we think that there is something else more suited for us,
that we are prepared to take on more tasks,
or that we think that we've learned all that we can,
we could opt to be transferred or advance in the game.
To allow the best people in the industry to grow,
we are provided with the tools of the trade.
We are given the opportunity to navigate our own course.
The rest is up to us and the choices that we'll make.

Watcha think? :P

Reckless Abandon

it is almost that time again, when the last leaf is about to fall

at the last gasp of the wind of change, once again, i'll be on my own.

i will be staring at the lonesome moon, begging for the healing rain

for my soul is like the barren land, adorned with scars from all the pain

maybe it is time for the obscured tears to quench this parched soul of mine

for i fear that this would not be mended even by the passing time.

i am afraid that my frail and forgotten heart will never beat again.

for in this world, no value is given to someone who is mundane.

i now question the former decision to leave the place i called home

the chrysalis shrouded in darkness and filled with deafening silence

for inside that shell that to others seemed like a dismal cold prison

is a sanctuary, a haven for a childish man wrought in sorrow

in isolation i found safety, in aloofness my sanctuary

i was free to be myself behind the masks of anonymity

but this is not my realm, and now i must face the harsh reality.

now i am standing. trembling at the thought of what's to happen

for in this apathetic world, what is the value of my existence

i think this is the right time for this phoenix to take his final flight

for the last time take to heavens and brighten this dark starless night.

this adamant shell of mine will be cast to the conflagrating pyre

and no amount of your tears could inundate my sacrificial fire.

from the ashes will rise an empty vessel devoid of emotions

where i will hide myself for no longer would i heed this world's summons